Truck jerks, a sliding scale.

I've been thinking a lot about the type of people who drive trucks, especially here in Georgia. I noticed while back in the Kansas City area that there are significantly less SUVs and trucks on the road. Whether it is a Southern thing, or a jerk thing, or both, I'm not 100% sure.

I have come up with a sliding scale to determine whether or not a particular truck that is about to run me down will perhaps spare me.

If you have any sort of truck, give yourself a base score of 50.

If you have any sort of aftermarket modification such as extra chrome, custom wheels, extra antennas, or fancy paint job you can add 10 points for each modification. The only exception is if you've had the bed sprayed with a protective lining because that just shows common sense.

If your truck has more than four wheels, has an extended cab, or if the wheels are lifted in any way add 10 points each.

Add 5 points for each decal celebrating your love of Nascar, Calvin pissing on Ford or Chevy, the fact that you are a bowhunter, or that your truck enjoys a particular brand of parts.

Add 5 points if you have a vanity license plate, are from Florida or Alabama, or if you are from Georgia if you have the "protect wildlife" plate which I call the patriotic plates because of the bald eagle over the American flag. I think they actually require trucks to have that one...

Now I've heard that white is the most common color for any car and considering most of the truck jerks have white trucks it's hard for me to penalize for color. That being said, add 5 points if you have a red truck or any sort of flames, camouflage, or wildlife imagery.

For those responsible drivers, knock off 10 points if you are hauling anything in the bed of your truck or a trailer. You are using your truck as intended.

Knock off 5 points if your truck is dirty! A clean truck is a sign of an idle jerk.

That's about all that comes to mind. Next time you are out tooling around in your jerkmobile, consider the little people and cut us some slack!