Favorite memories of my grandmother.

I thought about writing down my favorite memories of my grandmother the week she died but every time I would start, I had to stop. Now that a tiny bit of time has passed, remembering is easier. Some of these I thought of when talking to my sister at the funeral; some I just remembered this week.

I can't recall the first specific memory of my grandmother, who I called grandma Ben, because she had hair sort of like Ben Franklin. I don't think anybody except my ex-husband Scott knew that. He may have actually coined that phrase but I thought it was endearing and it stuck.

I realized at the funeral that grandma helped with the money to buy our first piano when I was five. I told my sister that we should be the ones playing music for her but she of course was right when she said we wouldn't have been able to do it.

I remember going out to her farm during the summer, playing in the very tall grass, catching lightning bugs in a mason jar and that they got loose during the night and were making light patterns on the ceiling. We hadn't caught very many so we didn't worry about catching them again.

I remember her showing us how beehives worked and how she got honey out of the combs. I remember her cutting off a piece of honey-laden comb for us to chew on. I don't ever remember getting stung by any bees.

I did get stung by a wasp once but it was stuck in a window or a blind and fell on my hand. It hurt badly but grandma told me it would feel better in awhile and she may have put some salve on it. That memory is pretty vague.

In the same building she had all her bee equipment, she had a couple rooms filled with discarded food boxes that she would use for rebates. I remember the whole family really got into rebates for awhile. I always thought that was something that was a bit old-fashioned and maybe something she had done when times were really rough but then who doesn't like getting back a buck or two?

I remember one winter she had a bunch of chicken eggs and they were in an incubator for a long time and then they hatched and she had a room bursting with chicks. We had to be careful where we stepped. I think later that year I helped (or tried anyway) to catch one and got to keep a foot. I remember thinking how crazy the chicken looked when it ran around in the yard without a head. I remember taking that foot home and keeping it in the fridge for a couple of days and showing my sister how the toes moved when you pulled the talons. I don't think mom let me keep it very long but it was kind of a nasty thing to have in the fridge.

I remember grandma tried to make pizza one time, this probably would have been when we were getting a bit older. It was pretty healthy tasting which meant we probably didn't like it much...but I don't remember not eating it. I think we would have gone to bed without eating if we had done something like that. That might have been the start of me not liking peppers or onions though.

I remember she always kept a tube of vitamin E for lips in her purse. It always felt nice and didn't make your lips sticky like gloss.

I remember going to the Powell Gardens for one Mother's Day. That was fairly recent and may have been during the spring when Scott and I broke up. I loved going to gardens with her because she knew about everything or could tell you about it. I always wanted to know that much about plants but knew I didn't have the patience for it.

I remember the peonies she had at her farm in the spring and how they would have big ants on them. The flowers would be so big too.

The only time I remember making my grandma upset was when I was maybe six or seven. I think my sister and I were riding in her car and it was raining heavily. I kept singing loudly, "rain, rain, go away, come again some other day." She gently asked me to stop and I did because I knew she meant it.

My mom told me something about an afghan I had made that was really out of control huge. It was a salmon and sage color in alternating stripes. I think it was bigger than a king-size bed. I don't really remember why I made it so big but I think I probably just used big knitting needles and didn't measure anything. I started with a pattern so just followed it to the end. It wasn't good for much but taking up space so mom was going to give it to the Goodwill or something but grandma said she wanted it because I had made it.

If I ever disappointed her or made her unhappy I don't recall. I don't have a very good memory sometimes. I know I didn't get to thank her enough for all the help she gave to me over the years, sometimes without me knowing. This last Thanksgiving though, she gave my husband Jim and I some money that definitely helped us out more than I got to tell her.

Times are tough all around but as my friend Justa said to me, we never really lose people, they are just watching over us now. Although I don't believe in heaven, I know that my grandma made a huge enough dent in my reality that her energy will always inspire and guide me.

I was very thankful I was able to go back for the funeral. I got to say thank you one last time and even though I couldn't hug my grandma any more, I knew she knew I loved her and understood.